Secrets.
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010
by Kerri
http://www.sthnosecrets.org.uk
Marie, a 30 year old widow, sat her 6 year old son down, looked deep into his beautiful green eyes and stroked her fingers through his thick blonde hair. She felt at that moment like shaking him until he screamed. Instead, she calmly held the look and asked him the same question that kept going around in her own head.
“Why will you not speak to me Daniel? I’m your mummy, you can tell me anything and I promise everything will be ok." She whispered in a soft tone. She got the same answer, no verbal reply from Daniel, just a look in his eyes that told her he was hurting so much inside. She knew he was terrified of something, but what was it?
As a toddler, he started speaking early on for his age and was learning new words quickly. However, over the course of a few weeks this gradually stopped and Daniel never spoke again from being 2 years old. There had been no major incidents around that time, as far as everyone was concerned, that had frightened him into not speaking. Nobody understood why he wouldn’t speak, and already two Child Psychologists had given up on him. Marie’s hope of ever having a conversation with her son again was dying faster and faster as each day went on.
Daniel’s dad Mark passed away when Daniel was just 4 years old. Marie, not only wanting to grieve for her husband, was now grieving for her son too. Mark had a cardiac arrest and died at home whilst in bed. It was Daniel’s uncle Rob that found Mark; he was looking after Daniel while Marie was at work and Mark slept from his night shift. It was one of those unfortunate tragedies that had no reasons or answers. Simply one of the many cruelties in life. Something that nobody could ever understand.
Marie longed so much for Mark, especially when it came to Daniel’s speech problems. She felt so alone. Since the speech problems began life had been so difficult and she wondered how she’d coped this far. She often wished it was her who suffered the heart attack, and on her worst days, her one wish was that she could go back in time and never have Daniel. As much as she loved him, she was so trapped and hopeless.
Her tired eyes searched Daniels eyes for some kind of answer, and as usual there was nothing other than a pang of pain inside her son. If only she could get to the bottom of it, so she could comfort him and soothe him.
She kissed him softly on his forehead and gently held him close to her. He hugged her tightly, as if in some way wanting to reassure her.
Later that day Daniel had his first appointment with a new Child Psychologist, Dr. Reece Glover. This was the third doctor that Daniel had seen regarding his mutism. Two previous doctors had simply given up on him after realising he was so stubborn and unwilling to speak. Would Dr. Glover do the same?
For the first 10 minutes, Marie went into the therapy room with Daniel and Dr. Glover to explain the history of the problems to him.
“Dr. Glover, he hasn’t said a word for 4 years now I can’t cope with him anymore." She wailed.
Passing her a box of tissues Dr. Glover began, “Marie, please call me Reece. I fully understand your frustration, and I am aware that I’m the third person to see Daniel, however I refuse to give up on him so easily and I promise you that I will do all I can to help. I have seen many cases like this before and I have hope that I can help you and Daniel; it is just going to take some time," his voice was soft and his gentle tone put her at ease. She left Daniel with Reece so they could get to work.
Reece began by introducing himself to Daniel, while Daniel sat and studied him. Reece could not help but notice the way that Daniel looked at him. There was something in that boys eye’s that grabbed Reece, and he knew if he could find out what it was he could solve the problem. But he knew it wasn’t going to be easy. And so for the first session Daniel sat in complete silence while Reece did all the talking. Daniel seemed fascinated by Reece’s hands. They looked so soft and would glide in the air whenever Reece moved his arms.
Reece was 35 years old. Dressed smartly, he clearly took pride in his appearance. With his neatly shaved brown hair and piercing brown eyes. He always spoke in a gentle manner, and seemed the kind of person who was easy to talk to.
The sessions went by, and week by week each session seemed like Groundhog Day. It was the same as ever. Reece often held a silence for moments, to see if that put pressure on Daniel to speak; it made no difference. He picked up on Daniel’s gaze on his hands, and would use this to keep Daniel’s attention.
Different techniques were tried with Daniel. Drawing, painting, listening to music, writing, playing; the list went on. Reece was adamant that he would not give up on Daniel; however he knew he was running out of ideas. Perseverance and faith were pretty much all he had left.
Meanwhile, Daniel continued to ignore his mum’s requests to speak to her and she was hurting so much whenever she looked into his eyes and saw his pain. Daniel liked Reece, and he felt at ease while around him. This was better than the relationship he had with the other two psychologists, but there were no guarantees that he’d open up to Reece.
Weeks turned to months and after 8 months of therapy Daniel still wouldn’t speak. He would often go into therapy and draw pictures, pictures of a happy family. The main focus was on his dad, whom Daniel knew, had gone up to heaven. Sometimes his pictures showed Daniel’s dad sitting on a cloud in the sky looking down. Reece knew that the death of Daniel’s father had had a great impact on him, and he was keen to know more.
Though Daniel’s problem started before the death of his dad, Reece suspected that this had made the mutism worse than it may have been had Mark not died. Things just didn’t add up though for Reece; the look in Daniel’s eyes, the pictures of a happy family life, the fixation from Daniel on Reece’s hands. He had to get some answers.
Taking a chance one week, Reece decided to change his approach. During the first session of Reece’s new approach, he already noticed a difference. Reece slowly became more and more submissive, forcing Daniel to therefore become less submissive, and in time, more dominant. Though this was not shown through speech initially, Daniel did become more dominant throughout each session. He chose what form of therapy they did – drawing, painting, or sometimes simply sitting in silence. This was it, this was the time that Reece knew he had to push Daniel to his limits. He had to be careful; he didn’t want to become suddenly more dominant again. Gently he eased into the subject of Daniel’s dad, Mark.
It took a while, but slowly, Daniel began communicating properly with Reece, through drawing pictures and writing things down. Some sessions were better than others, and Reece was growing more and more optimistic with Daniel’s progress. Finally, he’d built up a picture of what had happened and why Daniel wouldn’t speak, it took weeks for him to piece it all together, through the pictures, the writing, the actions through play, but he’d found the reason and this was the breakthrough he’d been waiting for.
It was during their next session that Reece decided to put his interpretation to Daniel. If he was right then they could work through it.
“Daniel, I have an idea in my head that might be the answer to why you won’t speak. Is it ok if I tell you my idea?" Reece asked calmly. Daniel sat gazing up a Reece and nodded his head. And so he began, and while Reece spoke of his idea, Daniel simply watched, seemingly fixated.
Daniel had gone up to see his Dad, who was sleeping after a night shift at work. His uncle Rob was babysitting Daniel, as his mum was out at work. Uncle Rob had made the decision to have a quick nap himself, and while his uncle Rob was having a cat nap, Daniel went upstairs. His dad awoke with a fright as Daniel walked into the room to see him. Daniel had decided to speak to his dad, he’d made the decision. Slowly he walked to the side of the bed and stared his dad in the eyes. “I’m sorry daddy." He whispered. Mark’s eyes widened his mouth wide open in total shock that his son had spoken for the first time in 2 years. And that’s when it happened. Daniel’s dad died right in front of him.
Mark had put his arms out to cuddle Daniel. All Daniel could remember was seeing his dad’s hands moving towards him. Suddenly his dad was making funny noises and his hands started to spasm with the rest of his body. Daniel laughed, thinking his dad was being silly, and then left the room to let his dad sleep. Uncle Rob was still napping when Daniel went downstairs. Nobody knew that Daniel had even gone into see his dad, let alone stood by and watched him dying.
This was again a chance for the cruelty of nature to shine through. Daniel began to blame himself for his dad’s death, like all the other freak accidents or losses he’d experienced.
Mark’s death did have a huge effect on Daniel’s speech just as Reece had suspected; however this was not the reason it started. Two years previous, Daniel was learning all kinds of new words. “Plane" was one of them and all day he pointed to the sky to tell Mummy and Daddy there was a plane. No less than a couple of hours later came a story on the news of a plane crash. This was the first negative association with a new word that Daniel had experienced, and they went on until he had stopped speaking.
The same day he learned to say the family dog’s name “Rusty", the dog managed to escape through the front door and was never seen again. Eventually Daniel began to think that if he said anything then something bad would happen. This was why he first stopped speaking, and now his dad’s death reiterated that thought of his.
At first, Daniel did not seem to react to Reece’s hypothesis of why he wouldn’t speak. He stared blankly; though Reece was sure he caught a glimpse of hope in Daniel’s eyes. He continued to explain to Daniel what he thought, and would have continued if Daniel had not interrupted.
Daniel looked at his hands, looked at Reece and put both arms straight out in front of him, as if showing Reece his hands. Reece was puzzled, he simply sat and watched Daniel for a moment when it finally happened.
“Hands are special," Daniel quietly murmured. The first time in 3 years he spoke, and with shock Reece had to stop himself from leaping into the air.
Reece’s interpretation about the negative associations with learning new words was clear and completely correct. He was also right about Daniel’s dad; but he knew for now that he should put the negative things on a backburner and get Daniel to speak.
“Hands are special Daniel. Why do you like hands?" he asked gently. Daniel looked up and waited for a moment. “My Dad. Last time I touched my Dad was with my hands," his eyes began to fill with tears, an overwhelming flood of tears. And for that moment in time, Reece simply let Daniel cry and grieve for his father and allowed him the time and space to cry.
It still took a lot of time for Daniel to progress, but he did it and his work with Reece paid off. His speech was perfect when he did start speaking, and for once Marie was able to relax a little and enjoy the time she spent with her son. Her wish had come true; somebody came into their lives and, in Marie’s eyes, performed a miracle with Daniel. For that she could never forget the great Dr. Reece Glover.
Reece is still working with children who have problems with Selective Mutism. He has been recognised in his area of work as being one of the most successful Psychologists with his clients and he has a great reputation.
Daniel is 18 years old now and is one of the most sociable outgoing boys in his circle of friends. Once he realised the problem, once he’d worked through it all he knew everything would be ok, just like his mum had told him all those times. Slowly the memory of his dad’s death faded, and he learned not to remember that day he died. Instead, he focused on the dad he’d known for 4 years of his life; and he loved that dad just as much as he loved his mum.
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