Kerri

Smoking. Is it cool?



Posted: Sunday, August 10, 2008

by
http://www.sthnosecrets.org.uk


Weighing up the benefits and risks of smoking

SmokingSmoking's cool isn't it? The way I just look so big, holding that small white stick in my mouth. That's cool. Know what else is cool? Stinking of smoke. That's the best - the way that no amount of perfume will get rid of that smell, it just makes it worse! I spray loads on myself, so my mum won't find out I'm smoking - now I just smell worse...I stink of stale smoke and stale perfume...seriously, the two mixed together don't go nicely. No amount of mints will get rid of the stench of my breath, but that's ok, because smoking's cool!

I have to be careful everytime I'm home. I'm constantly thinking of where I've hidden my cigs, my lighter - can't have anybody finding them. I'm paranoid - Do I smell? Can my mum tell I'm smoking by being near me? It's ok though, as long as I'm smoking, I'm cool...and the best thing? I can quit when I want, I'm not addicted!

I justify my smoking by lying to myself. I see old people, yellow stained fingers, near-brown coloured teeth, the worst wrinkles imaginable. It's alright though, that won't happen to me, because I'm cool!

I try to justify spending £5 a day on 20 cigs. That's because I want to smoke, because it's cool, because I'M cool. Remember, I'm not addicted, I can quit at any point, I just don't want to - cos smoking is cool.

When I lay down in bed on a night, I always hear that same sound. Every breath I take, I hear that quiet little rattle of my chest. Then I wake up every morning and cough, just before having my first cig of the day. Without that first cig, with my cup of coffee, I can't function...just keep in mind, I am not addicted.

I've lived the past 5 years of my life in denial...it's taken me 5 years to suddenly come to the conclusion that I AM addicted and have been since I smoked my very first cig.

If you can tell me what is so cool about smoking, I'll be shocked. What exactly IS cool?

*The fact that you can take in 4,000 chemicals into your body by taking a few puffs on a little white stick?

*The fact that at least 43 of those are known Carcinogens (cause cancer in humans)?

*That you give yourself a constant sputum-producing cough?

*Yellow stained teeth and fingers?

*Stale smelling odour coming from your skin, hair, breath and clothes?

*That you will spend your last bit of money just to get you fixed up with a few cigs for the day?

*The fact that you could be that 1 out of every 2 smokers that will die from your habit?

Tell me what's so cool about smoking...tell me why I shouldn't quit?

I doubt there is anybody who could give me a reason to carry on smoking...

For you non-smokers...take this as a small warning of what you might be letting yourself in for if you start smoking...and just ask yourself one question?

Is it cool??


Kerri Jones, 23 from St Helens, Merseyside UK.

Her lifelong label is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). She is the one with the problem as it is her personality that is wrong. It doesn’t matter that she suffered at the hands of her alcoholic step-father for the first 9 years of her life, or that she underwent other mishaps.

The past means nothing in her life, according to her consultant. Kerri’s personality is not quite right, and there is nothing anybody can do. Living with depression, PTSD, self-injury to name but a few, her life is far from simple. After various suicide attempts and dangerous self-inflicted injuries, how is she still alive?

Writing!

She writes to save her mind becoming exhausted. She writes her most inner-thoughts and feelings down and sees the pain she feels. Only then can she deal with it.

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